life: expressed

I think I can jump past weeks and say it’s been months since I’ve posted anything here. I still pay my hosting fee every month, but wonder why I still have a blog that I don’t write in.
In the past few months, I’ve cut myself off from most people. I moved in with my brother and learned to live on a few bucks a week. On Second Life, I got into working at a bar and DJ there, promoted my artwork, and started designing clothes.
After a rather nasty breakdown in September, a couple of people urged me to seek help. After enough nagging, I finally reached out and now talk to someone every week about things. There are still definite setbacks and days where I can’t be bothered to get out of bed, much less leave the house. I know my brother is frustrated with me.
Today marks six months since I signed papers to disolve my marriage. I talk to my ex-husband regularly, and we’ve forged a steady friendship. Sometimes we talk about what went wrong. No matter what happens, he has never been a regret, and won’t be. I am honored to know him, and to have been his wife. If that sounds trite, too bad. It’s truth.
The 7th marks six months since I pressed charges against the ex-boyfriend. I haven’t seen him since August, though there are still legal things pending with him on other matters relating to me.
Also, today I applied to go back to college to get my Associate’s Degree. I attended this college before, so I just had to re-apply. No application fee needed. If all goes well, I could be taking classes for Spring Semester in a month. We’ll see…

I’ve always found that music helps explain a lot of things when I can’t find the words to say it myself. The past few months have sent me on a flying rollercoaster that I can only describe as heart-wrenching. Below are 20 songs that explain a lot in terms of me. You can find the lyrics to just about all of them, I believe, and I encourage you to take a listen if you want to understand more about me.

• The Wonder of You – The Elio Pace Band
  
• Trying to Hide a Fire in the Dark – Billy Dean
  
• Temptation – VAST
  
• #17 – August House
  
• What Have You Done (Acoustic) – Within Temptation
  
• Supersoul – Dilana
  
• Thrown Away – VAST
  
• If You Don’t Wanna Love (with Sarah Buxton) – Cowboy Troy
  
• I Need to Say Goodbye – VAST
  
• Better That We Break – Maroon 5
  
• Wonderful World – James Morrison
  
• Nothing Lasts Forever – Maroon 5
  
• I Go to Extremes – Billy Joel
  
• Undiscovered – James Morrison
  
• Whatever Comes First – Sons of the Desert
  
• A Better Place – VAST
  
• Free – VAST
  
• You’re Only Human (Second Wind) – Billy Joel
  
• Love is the Answer – England Dan and John Ford Coley
  
• Leap of Faith – Big & Rich

No no no…we’re not gonna sing that cheesy song by Rhythm Syndicate. But I do want to bring up that word…

Passion.

First thought is sex, isn’t it? However, we should get our minds out of the gutter for a few minutes and think about passion in life, taking risks, and try to answer this question:

What do you do when you feel like a spectator in your own life?

Watch the video below, and then please feel free to answer the questions posed in it in a comment.

How will you be brave today?

I am currently getting over laryngitis, but with discussions about my voice lately, I decided to try and record some old poetry written by me, with the exception of Pyre, which was written by John O’Brien. Many were done on the first take.

Comments welcome.

Don’t

Sun Does Glow

Pyre

At the beginning

Does the end justify the means

Today

You

For the parents out there who are willing to take their children shopping with them:

Please, for the love of [insert diety here]...

keep an eye on your children!!

Now, it’s no secret that I work in retail. I work in thrift store retail, which is a circle of hell reserved for either the really resilient, or those who ticked off the Grand Poobah of Non-Soul-Sucking Jobs in a past life. I haven’t decided which one is me yet. Digressing…

I was at work Monday night, staying an extra hour plus later because a fellow cashier called in sick. Every so often, a family (or a single parent with some kids, or a group of pre-teens) would come in and head in the direction of the books and toys. I didn’t have to work back there, but my co-worker was ready to start stringing people up by their toes.

Before you start your arguments on customer service, and job security…just keep in mind something: more often than not, you would not allow your children to behave this way at home. So why let them run all willy-nilly in a store? Do you let your child get away with taking an object from its “proper” location and leave it strewn in the way in another part of your house?

Despite any opinion, a store is not a playground. You share the space with the people who work there, and with fellow customers. Letting your child drag out toys in the middle of the floor is, at the very least, a safety hazard. Your precious Billy or Susie could find themselves on the wrong side of a cart or a pair of shoes. We are also not a daycare, where you can drop your child off in the toy section so you can spend the next hour or three trying on clothes.

For that matter, the clothing racks are not jungle gyms. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone through a section, straightening hangers, re-hanging clothes, and picking things up off the floor just to have someone’s heathen demon spawn run under the rack, knocking clothes and hangers on the floor. I don’t know about you, but I can only pick up a piece of clothing so many times before I feel a sense of deja vu.

I don’t ask for much in this world. Or, at least my job. My job should be me showing up, ringing up customer purchases or organizing the store for five to eight hours, sharing a few laughs and going home. I shouldn’t have to worry about whether I’m going to twist my ankle on a toy that a customer’s child left in the middle of the aisle. I also shouldn’t have to worry about someone’s daring and brave child opening up the handicap door (the kind with the automatic button) and running out into the parking lot. Nothing would ruin my day faster than having to call 911 cause someone didn’t keep an eye on their child.

Shopping at a store is a priviledge. Your child should be taught in a way that they understand and embrace this concept. Because, really, one of these days, you shouldn’t be surprised if we discipline your child for you.